I Can Breathe...I Obey the Law

I believe in the Freedom of Speech. It is what allows me to formulate my opinion and to make it public just as I am doing in this blog.

With that said, I happen to disagree with many of the public opinions I have seen following the Michael Brown case and most recently the case of Eric Garner.

I was raised to respect authority and to obey the law. For this reason, I can honestly say that I have never had an unpleasant run-in with police.

Had Eric Garner not resisted arrest, police would never have had to use additional force. Mind you, I’m not giving police officers the green light to use excessive force, but life is made up of choices. Eric Garner chose to break the law, he chose to resist arrest.

This weekend in South Bend, Indiana, the Women’s Basketball team chose to wear shirts supporting Eric Garner.  The shirts read, “I can’t breathe.”

While it is their right to express their Freedom of Speech, I am disappointed in their choice to do so on this topic.

December 13^th was the 11^th anniversary of the death of two local Mishawaka Police Officers, Brian Verkler and Thomas Roberts. The basketball team claims they didn’t realize the coincidence, I don’t think it matters.

Police officers should be respected and appreciated for putting their lives on the line each day.  Only they know how it feels to have a split second to react to a suspected criminal. Hindsight is 20/20 and the media and public can rehash and scrutinize the actions of police repeatedly.  If only officers had the luxury of taking a few minutes to really study the situation and ask questions before they have time to react. Unfortunately, that just isn’t the case.

In the case of Michael Brown, I can’t even begin to believe the backlash from the whole situation. It saddens me to see what they are doing to their town.  Because a young man was shot, a young man who was believed to be making poor choices, hard-working residents have lost their businesses due to looting. 

I’ll never understand how that makes sense. People are outraged at what they consider the “wrong doing” of one person, so they continue to wrong others.

I haven’t blogged on this topic because I’m so tired of hearing about it that I could scream.

But Saturday’s display by the Lady Irish was somewhat upsetting. Over the years I have gotten to know several of the surviving family members of police officers who have been killed in the line of duty and no one seems to be outraged about the violence shown to them. Where was the outrage when they couldn’t breathe? They weren’t breaking the law. They were trying to serve and protect….

These recent stories and the decisions of both grand juries not to indict have tarnished the thousands of police officers who help others on a daily basis.  Remember, we don’t know the whole story of what happened.  We only know what the media has focused on.  The grand jury has the most information, much of what is not made public.

It’s not about hiring more minority police officers, it’s about respecting authority and making choices that are good and honorable. These two cases could have totally been avoided had better choices been made.

I hope you will consider joining me to support our local police officers on Sunday, December 21^st at Eddy Street Commons between Noon and 3pm. For more information visit https://www.facebook.com/events/956417591055115/?sid_reminder=6571633308176744448

 

The Pamster...

34 houses and apartments, 42 vehicles, and 29 couches. You might be wondering what those numbers signify. Those numbers signify change, something Pam Russell didn’t mind.  Most of us resist, back away and struggle to accept change, fighting it every step of the way. But that wasn’t the Pamster.  She loved change. (ok those numbers might be a little high!!! :))

Pamster’s passing is a big change for us, the ones she left behind. And how we choose to handle that change as we move forward is something each of us has to work on. I remember when she was first diagnosed with cancer and after our family knew, she posted something on facebook about it at the end of January 2010.  She wrote that the cancerman had gotten her, but she thought it would be ok. She was ready to beat it. The Pamster truly was a trooper, not only with her dealings with cancer, but also her other numerous procedures including her beloved Twila and Trudy Titanium… which is what she referred to her knee replacements.

She continued her treatments with optimism and humor, often referring to her breast cancer as taking Mavis and Martha, the “mamms” away.  She went through surgeries, several rounds of chemotherapy and several bouts of radiation.  Throughout the last 4 years, the Pamster fought hard against the cancerman, but it was a battle she just wasn’t able to overcome.  

On Friday, she lost her battle with cancer, leaving behind her three daughters, Tearsa, Katie and Beth, and their families, Rob, Jack and Ella, Matt, Joey and Lauren.  If you’ve ever been around the Pamster, you know that she loved her grandkids very much, always wanting smooches from the kids. I remember walking into her house one afternoon and there was a tent in the living room. It seemed a little odd to me, but it was nothing of the sort to her, she was simply getting ready for camping out with Jack and Ella. I believe they had plans to roast marshmallows over the stove and tell stories before bed.

A few summers ago, I stopped by at lunch time and she was outside in the pool, measuring cups all over the deck, because of course Joey and Lauren were coming to swim and they loved to pour water from the pool into the buckets.

It’s these stories that we’ll have to do our best to keep alive, because if there is one thing that’s for sure, it was that Pam loved her kids and her grandkids.

Tearsa, when I think of you, I think of the strength that your mom represents.  As you continue to get your principal’s license, it reminds me of the work your mom did while raising the three of you.  She attended school to become a teacher, and I am sure it was hard to balance school and home, but she did it.  Your mom had several students whom she formed special relationships with, because she knew that those kids needed someone to believe in them.  For those of you who don’t know, Pamster was an alternative education teacher at Penn High School for many years. She saw potential in her students and encouraged them to succeed, something you do with your students, Tearsa.

Katie, your initiative to return to school was something that made the Pamster very happy.  I think she saw a lot of herself in you.  She thought your studies in New York were fabulous. And while you don’t knit or sew, your creative side is a lot like your mothers. Your knack for making jewelry and for seeing things with a creative eye, very much comes from your mother.

Beth, what I remember most about you growing up, was the Kingsbury house.  I’m not sure exactly how old you were when you lived there, but I’m thinking you were around 6^th grade.  You were so tall and we used to watch out the window as you flipped around doing gymnastics in the front yard for hours. Your mom, your sisters and I were amazed at your determination.  No one could tell you that you couldn’t something, you were out to prove them wrong! You were a huge support to your mom during the last few years, and if you didn’t already know it, your phone calls made her day. She loved your goofy stories or just your quick recaps of the day.

The Pamster always called me “Weensie” and at times it would embarrass me to be out in public with her yelling across the aisle, “Weensie, look at this…” It makes me a little sad today to think that won’t happen again.

As the holidays draw closer, it’s another change our family will face. But we’ve got a strong, close knit family and I know that although it’ll be different, we’ll embrace this change like the Pamster would.

I prefer to think of her today in Heaven with my Grandpa and my Nana and all the others who were welcoming her on Friday. And while we will all miss her here, I take comfort in knowing that she is no longer in the pain she has been.  And I know that I have another caring angel on my side…

Rest in Peace, Pamster…

http://www.esslingfuneralhome.com/notices/Pamela-Russell/#.VHECtED9_xQ.facebook

Changes in technology...changes in relationships?

My thoughts strayed far from the Bend this week as I cruised to several Caribbean Islands aboard the Celebrity Summit.

I traveled with my mom, Theresa, and we had a great time.  This was our fifth cruise together and I really like to travel with her, we had a lot of fun girl time.

On the way home, I couldn’t help but reflect on our vacations and flash back a little to my adolescent years. At the age of 15, if you would have told me that 22 years later I would choose to vacation with my mother, I would have told you that just wouldn’t happen! Yet, 22-years later, that 15-year-old who used to look at her mother with squinty eyes and an attitude, was having a few cocktails and laughing so hard with her that I had tears streaming down my face.

I’m fortunate to be able to see both of my parents just about every weekend during the warmer seasons in Indiana.  They live on a lake and I like the sun! And of course time at “The Haven Resort” is a lot of fun with other relatives nearby. 

While a short 30 minute drive to LaPorte makes a difference in how often I see my parents, I couldn’t help but think about how technology has changed the way relationships are today.

When I was in college, bag phones were the only cell phones that were somewhat affordable and each call cost a minimum of something like 25 cents a minute.

Long distance was still the way you made out-of-town calls and picking up the phone was something most of us did rather sparingly. I’m starting to feel old as I write this!

Now, with e-mail at the fingertips or most, Skype loaded on tons of computers and cell phones with practically unlimited plans for texting and talking, it’s so easy to pick up the phone and stay in constant contact with friends and family.

I talk to my mom nearly every day and it makes the time she spends in Florida seem almost as if she was just in LaPorte.  It’s nice to keep up with day-to-day happenings and I think it would be weird to go back to the times where long amounts of time went between our calls.

It makes me wonder what they will come up with for future generations… technology gotta love it!

Two very different situations... both leave behind sadness

I woke up yesterday morning thinking about the family of Jamie Middlebrook, a New Carlisle volunteer firefighter, who died while fighting a fire at a local business.

Yesterday was the celebration of his life, forty-one years which consisted of being a paramedic and 22-years of being a volunteer fireman.  It was in his blood, it seems, since his father and his brother also served many years on the volunteer fire department, as well.

He battled cancer and came back stronger than ever, raising funds in hopes that research could be done so others wouldn’t have to endure the same battle. He was a true HERO, who probably would have given anything to live another day.

Last night, news traveled fast as word spread that Robin Williams had died at the age of 63, taking his own life.

I immediately thought how sad it was that a man with such great talents would choose to take his own life.  Someone with his fame, his fortune, his comedic ability and dramatic flair, it seemed like he had it all.

Snippets of Dead Poets Society, Awakenings, Mrs. Doubtfire, and my personal favorite, Good Will Hunting, flashed in my mind and I couldn’t help but think about how desperate he must have been. 

I’ve seen postings on Facebook calling him a coward and questioning how he could commit suicide and leave his children, etc. Or talking about how he made a choice and got what he wanted. I don’t think he was a coward at all, nor do I think his “right mind” would have wanted him to die.  Instead, I think he must have been so helpless, fighting the demons in his own mind, trying to make sense of things and obviously not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. To him, it was the only way out.

In college, I had a friend who battled depression.  I remember talking to her on the phone one day and she was so down, she mentioned that she couldn’t even get out of bed.  I remember at the time saying something like, “what do you mean, just put your feet on the floor and get out of bed, you have things to do.”

Her response to me, was that I didn’t understand. And I know she was right.  At that moment, I realized that I’ve never felt true depression and that I didn’t understand what it was like to feel the way she was feeling.

I think that’s important for everyone to think about.  We have no idea how Robin Williams was feeling when he decided to end his life. But it must have been pretty awful for him to think that his family would be better off without him. That tomorrow wouldn’t be better than today. That there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

But there’s a stigma attached with mental health and depression. It’s hard for most people to talk about because often times people don’t understand.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to include the thoughts about both of these men in the same blog, and maybe it is rather “risky” to do so, but at the end of the day, both men have passed away.  Both men have left members of the community and family members without saying goodbye. And while we may not understand how some people fight so hard to live and would give anything for another day, we shouldn’t pretend to understand the darkness that others feel when they decide not to live another day.

Friendships are made for a reason, a season or a lifetime

Throughout my lifetime I’ve become pretty familiar with the saying that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

I think the first time I really felt a “move” was when I was 10-years-old and my family moved from our home in Portage, Indiana about 45-minutes away to LaPorte. It was the summer before I entered fifth grade and I was excited to be near my cousins and thought the move would be great. 

The move for me meant that I would leave friends I had known from the neighborhood, friends I had known as long as I could remember, Lori Bonez, Katie Hatala, Melissa Fekete, Holly Foreman, etc.

But I moved to LaPorte and shortly I had become close with friends with whom I still get together with today, Jen Howes, Gwen Burger, Meghan Martinsen. We were like the four musketeers in middle school.

In high school, I never really found my exact niche.  I was co-editor of the newspaper, co-editor of the yearbook, in basketball and softball and friends with people who were jocks, artists and those who never even wanted to enter the doors at LPHS. I also made great friends, Jody Ryan and Michelle Reese through my work in the kitchen at LaPorte Hospital.

Moving on to college, I made great friends like Emily Steadman, Julie Walker and Laura Baich and several others who made my years in Bloomington the best years away from home that I could ask for. After I moved back home to work and go to school, I relied on my best friend, Tearsa Schable, to get me through times where I felt alone.  I also made good friends at the LaPorte Herald Argus and at IUSB.

Then, it was South Bend. A place I’ve learned to call home and a place where sometimes I don’t realize just how many people I’ve met! I moved here in September of 2001 and I’ve met people at AAA, Brenda Case, Cristie Carter, Diane Chrzan, Kathy Stec, and so many more…  I’ve met people at some bars… Brenda Wilson, Robin Eaton, Katie Reaves, Russ Miner, Gary and Danny, Carol Whitteberry, Kathleen Rozanski, Ken Odynski, ok… so many more! And now to my friends at The Medical Foundation, Tamara Fairbank, Mary Swift, Connie Bratton, Brett Colter, Laura Broadstreet, Joyce Simpson and so many more.

It’s hard to decide or…better yet, maybe they chose me? Who becomes a friend who is there for a reason, a season or a lifetime? How do we know? How do we choose? Do we choose them, do they choose us?

This week, we bid farewell to Tamara Fairbank and wish her the best of luck as she moves to New Hampshire. It’s with sadness that I lose a great friend who has brought me lots of laughs and good times throughout the six years I’ve known her.  But at the same time, I’m happy for her. I wish her nothing but the best as she moves to what she thinks is a great place to live…. Really, Tamara….SNOW????? J Couldn’t help it!

As you drive away in the “tank,” I hope you will remember all of your Indiana friends and that you will think of us as friends for a lifetime… not just a reason or a season… Best of luck, my friend… may you enjoy this new chapter in your life.

A little less weight on my shoulders!

I’ve pretty much struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember.  When I was younger I was active and involved in Softball, Volleyball, Basketball and water sports, but I still tipped the scale at the higher levels. As I have gotten older, I have tried everything to wishing away the extra pounds, to trying the latest a greatest fat burner pills, Weight Watchers, Atkins, Slim Fast, and I even think I did the Cabbage diet for a few days.  Of course I’d lose a few pounds here and a few pounds there and I even lost 20 pounds around 2000.

I’m a social person and I love to spend time with my friends, which usually means drinks after work or going out to lunch of dinner. Fun times! However, those fun times usually happened about five times a week and after awhile, the scale showed just how fun I’d become!

Last year, on July 7^th, I’d had enough. I was tired of looking in my closets (I have three) and finding a handful of clothes that actually fit.  I got tired of looking in the mirror and feeling like I had become out of control.  And most of all, for those of you who know me well, I was at the point where I didn’t like having ANY pictures of me taken, not even stranger pictures. How does that happen!?!?! It seems like it happened overnight. Like I didn’t notice the scale creeping up and out of control, but it wasn’t overnight, it was several years of poor choices.

This past year I’ve lost 35 pounds and I feel good.  I’m more active, I’m making better choices and I still have a lot of fun, just more controlled fun! I no longer look in the closets and can’t find clothes to wear, when someone brings a camera I don’t disappear. But it hasn’t been easy.

I’m sure I’m not alone in this weight loss struggle, yet at the time that I started to care about losing weight, I didn’t want anyone to know. I remember thinking that if I told my friends I was trying to lose weight, they’d criticize everything I brought for lunch or my drink choices if I went out.  So I kept it on the down low. Don’t get me wrong, my friends are great and are very supportive, it was more my issue than theirs! I’d tried to lose so many times that even I wasn’t sure how this time would be different. 

I had success with Weight Watchers in 2000, but I had joined online several times in the last few years and I even went to meetings a few times here and there. I would join for a few weeks and get discouraged and then stop. I’d join online and something came up after work and I’d decide, “I’ll really start tomorrow, instead of today.” I was full of excuses. After all, if I wished hard enough to be thin, wouldn’t that be enough? Hmmm…..

I’m not sure why July 7^th was different, but I walked in Weight Watchers and even told the lady that I had tried this several times and I wasn’t sure why I thought this time would be any different, but I wanted to sign up anyway.

It was the next week that I drove to Hilltop Lutheran Church on a Wednesday night and attended the meeting by myself. I remember pulling into the parking lot and sitting for several minutes giving myself a pep talk and then walking in. I liked the meeting and the leader and the people were nice so I decided to try it again the next week.

It was funny because my work friends would ask me to go for drinks on Wednesdays and I could never go.  I said I had something to do, I even told one friend I had an AA meeting. I think I thought it was easier for people to think that I was a drunk instead of someone who just couldn’t control my eating. So until this blog, only a handful of people and my Wednesday night friends, were the only people who knew I’d gone to Weight Watchers.

I can say it’s the best decision that I made and I’ll probably be attending meetings for many weeks, if not years ahead. They’re a supportive, non-judgmental group and I owe a lot of my success to them and am appreciative for the empowerment I feel in their presence.

Baby steps lead to lifestyle changes. It hasn’t been an easy year, but I feel like I have the tools to be successful and stay on track. I know I’m not alone in this journey, even though at the beginning I wanted to be! Nearly 365 days strong and counting…. Wishing everyone else in this journey of weight loss the empowerment to make good decisions and the will to sweat!!!

“Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die tomorrow.”

“Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die tomorrow.”

I’ve seen the quote several times, but I don’t know who said it.

During the past three weeks, I’ve known three people who passed away.  None of them were close friends, but acquaintances and good friends of people I’m close to.

It puts things in perspective a bit. The first, was someone I knew from a local club and I actually saw him the night be passed away.  Little did I know that laughing and joking at the bar on a Saturday night would be the last time I’d see him. I think he had a great time during his last day on Earth and I think he was probably content with it being the end.

The second was a bartender and waiter in town with a smile that was always present.  He died unexpectedly at the age of 34, which took everyone aback.  I guess Billy Joel was onto something in the 70s with his song, “Only the Good Die Young.” It wasn’t long ago some friends and I stopped in to the Emporium and talked about 2014 and all the plans that were made for the year.

News this morning that Mark passed away was another shocking blow to many.  A young man with lots of community connections and a huge heart, taken too soon.

It really makes me think. No one is guaranteed tomorrow, it’s a gift not a right.  But where’s the balance? If you live life on the side of caution and never take risks, then it’s kinda boring.  If you take risks and live life on the daring side and something happens, then you’re viewed as careless. I’m not saying any of the above mentioned were either careful or careless…

I’m not exactly sure where I’m headed with this, I guess I just wanted to think through it by using the keys on the keyboard. Maybe I was hoping I’d have some big epiphany. 

Maybe it’s nothing more than to remind myself to stop and smell the roses.  To tell those around me that they mean a lot to me. Or maybe it’s a reminder to live each day to its fullest. 

For those of my close friends who are missing the people mentioned above, I’m sorry for your loss. I know that they’ve touched your lives and left you with some memories and laughs. And remember that people enter your lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime, so make the most of it!