It's been over a week....

I keep thinking... it’s been a week. Just let it go. On the other hand, I can’t.

The images of innocent little children still scroll in my mind. For the last four months I have been volunteering one day a week at a local elementary school and I can think of are my little 1^st graders that I’ve come to know and love. The difference is that my first graders are not from the upscale neighborhood that the Sandy Hook Elementary kids came from.

I try and make sense of what could have happened on December 14^th in the mind of the shooter, and I’ve come to realize that we’ll never really know. It doesn’t really matter if he was bullied, it doesn’t really matter if he had Asperger’s Syndrome and I guess it doesn’t really matter what was going on through his mind last Friday.

Instead, families and neighbors and siblings are trying to figure out why their loved ones were taken so early and for what seems as no apparent reason. I feel sorry for the families who have to say goodbye and for a whole town that is heartbroken. One doesn’t have to have kids to feel heartbreak, I think heartbreak has touched the entire United States over the last week.

I’m not sure about you, but I know over the last week I have wondered why God would want 20 little kids and 6 adults to die last week?  What lesson are we supposed to learn from this?

I know that many politicians have tried to bring to light the gun laws and changes that need to be made. I agree … in part. I don’t agree that the average Joe should have access to assault rifles. But I also believe that this guy who opened fire last week would have done so regardless of gun laws. Following the Columbine shooting, a lot of schools installed metal detectors in the schools thinking this would save many instances in schools.

So following this tragedy, will all schools be required to have bullet proof glass? What about playgrounds, there is a chance that someone can open fire on kids during recess, so should recess be taken away? I don’t have the answer. There are so many questions left unanswered. There are so many stories that have been told, yet so many other stories that haven’t.

My heart goes out to every family who has lost someone and to the families of the children who were in the school that day. No child should have to endure the pain and realization of life that happened on the 14^th.

I not only grieve for the residents of Newtown, but I also grieve those who lost loved ones during Columbine. Can you imagine the wounds that were just starting to heal that have been opened once again? Can you imagine the Mommies and Daddies who have already bought Christmas presents for their children for Christmas? It gives me chills.

I’m not sure why the events of December 14^th happened… and I probably never will. I just know that I can’t get it out of my head. Maybe that’s the reason. Do we need to be reminded that life isn’t guaranteed? That life is so innocent and that even the innocent can be taken away so easily?

I haven’t blogged for awhile and maybe this topic isn’t appropriate, because I don’t want to give “glory” to the pilot. Instead I want people to pay attention to their surroundings. Nothing is guaranteed.

Enough tangents for now…

Justice for Tramelle

I’ve had a little 10-year-old on my mind all day. I can’t seem to get him out of my mind.

Last November, 10-year-old Tramelle Sturgis died from beating he sustained, allegedly at the hands of his father, Terry Sturgis.

When I think about the Terry Sturgis murder trial, I think about his home on the 1100 block of West Washington Street in South Bend, and I am reminded of the old saying, “if these walls could talk.”

I guess it is probably a good thing they can’t. I am sure the abuse his children faced in that home is more than I could ever imagine.

When Tramelle was transported to the emergency room that evening, he had bruises, scrapes, hemorrhaging on the brain, a broken arm, a broken tailbone and a broken rib. What could a ten-year-old little boy possibly have done for the elder Sturgis to believe it was ok to hurt him like this?

Unfortunately it wasn’t just Tramelle who suffered beatings, but his brother, as well. His older brother, age 14, spoke this week in court about the night that Tramelle died. The South Bend Tribune quoted some of his testimony and said that he was beaten with a stick the night of Tramelle’s death.  He said, “I just got dizzy and could not see because the blood was in my eyes.”

The boy said that he wanted to deflect his father’s attention hoping the beating would stop, so he told on Tramelle for taking a bottle of his father’s water. It worked, Sturgis took his aggressions out on Tramelle. That night, Tramelle Sturgis died because he drank a bottle of water that belonged to his father.

How sad is that? Many parents would be thrilled to share water with a child. Not him.

I’ve often thought that people should have to prove they are worthy to be parents before they are actually allowed to procreate. There are too many parents who neglect children and too many others who would be willing and able to provide loving homes where those children could thrive.

In this case, I have to wonder why any mother would allow her children to live with Terry.  In this case, the mother is Tiffany Townsend. She said that Terry never laid a hand on her, but that she didn’t think it was a good environment for her five children, four of which were Terry’s, because they argued too much and he called her names. Wow, I think that might have been her first clue that he wasn’t necessarily a stellar father. But then again, she doesn’t qualify for mother of the year.

I also have to wonder how Tramelle’s grandmother could live in the same home with he and his brothers and be able to even look at her son, knowing that he beat her grandchildren. In one Tribune article, it stated that she used to rub cocoa butter on their burns. Nice grandma, maybe you could figure out a way to stop your grown son from burning your grandkids to begin with.

The fact that these children suffered abuse makes me very sad. Because I know that it will affect them for the rest of their lives. The 14-year-old Sturgis boy has burn marks that will be visible on his skin for the rest of his life. I can only hope that his life has improved greatly since he was taken out of the West Washington Street home. I hope he will someday be able to accept unconditional love and become a good father. I hope that one day he will able to look at those burn marks as marks of survival, pushing him to be a better person.

But let’s face it, it won’t be easy for him. He watched as his brother died that night, he had to clean up his vomit and try and cover for his father when the police came. At 14-years-old no one should have to endure what he went through. 

The boys had visits throughout the past few years from the DCFS and they always lied and said that things were ok. I don’t blame them, they were scared to death. Maybe this can be a lesson to all of us to be more observant. Children who undergo abuse are typically not trusting and know that to survive their situations, they have to go with the flow and not draw attention to themselves and their situations.

In my mind, I hope that Terry Sturgis never sees the light of day and that people in prison treat him as he treated his sons. I know it isn’t nice and I should pray that he gets the help he needs and realizes his mistakes. After all two wrongs don’t make a right. But I just can’t… instead I think about the many lives his actions have impacted and I just hope that justice is served.

No one should have to endure what Tramelle did.

Should risk drive you to your dreams? Or is playing it safe the way to go?

Most people have thought about what they would do if they won the lottery or if a distant relative passed away and left them a bunch of money.  Many of us think about what it would be like to come up with the perfect invention, a quick step into a pile of money solving all of our money worries and allowing us to follow whatever dreams we allow ourselves to envision.

And then…reality hits us.  Just like the Strokes lyrics, we take two steps forward and three steps back. We remember that insurance is important, bills need to be paid and the safe road is the one most traveled.

I watched a short segment of 60 minutes the other night. Enough to catch the reporter talking to college kids who are smart and thought they could drop out of Ivy League schools and be entrepreneurs. Hell, I can hardly spell the word! Anyway, they talked to the Mark Zuckerberg’s of the world, young people with a vision and the passion to pursue their dreams. The name Mark Zuckerberg may not mean a lot to you, but I bet the word “Facebook” does. He created facebook while still in college. Today, he is worth over 19 billion dollars and never graduated from Harvard. I’d say he was still successful despite the lack of his Harvard paper chase.

I read a book once that said that if you don’t have an idea that makes others look a little puzzled or think you are crazy when you tell you tell them about it, that it probably won’t work.  I guess it makes sense. Safe ideas are grabbed up in a minute by those who are unwilling to have the passion to believe in their mission. Zuckerberg had the knowledge and the passion.

I have a great admiration for people who are willing to take risks. I like to gamble, but when it comes to “being safe” I’m just scared enough not to take a risk that could benefit me in the end. I wish I could be one of those people. If I were, I doubt I’d be living in Indiana (although many people think I take a risk every day by living on the West side of South Bend J ha ha).  And I probably wouldn’t be working in the position I’m in.

So what about you? If you could do anything you wanted to do, anywhere you wanted to be, what would you choose?

Some themes from the movie, The Descendants

I was in the mood to see a movie today. It’s something that rarely happens because I usually don’t have the patience to sit through a movie. I remember seeing the previews for “The Descendant’s,” and I decided to treat myself to a Sunday matinee.  George Clooney is in it and he’s good scenery so I cuddled up in my chair with a bag of popcorn and a diet coke.  Really the only think I knew about the movie was that George Clooney was in it and it was more of a drama than a comedy.

 If you want a step by step replay of the movie, look it up on Wikipedia. I’m gonna mention some major themes that I felt were important.

As I drove home from the theater, I was thinking about the relationships of the main characters. The family basically was caught up in the everyday grind of life and pretty much took each other for granted. The husband, wife and two kids had several conflicts working within the family unit.  Then, the mother was in a boating accident and was hospitalized.  She remained in a coma for most of the movie, leaving her husband, Matt King (Clooney’s character) to tell his two daughters about their mother.  The oldest daughter knew her mother had an affair and there was conflict between them.  Words had been exchanged and Alex, the daughter, took for granted that her mom would always be around.  It was a lesson in forgiveness and also in goodbyes.

Another theme was a cross between forgiveness and revenge.  If you found out your spouse had cheated on you would you want revenge? I think most people would, but not King.  Instead, he decided to find his wife’s lover in an effort to give him a chance to say goodbye to her.

There are some smaller themes throughout the movie, as well, including the role of money in family dynamics.  From the beginning of the movie, there were references to stereotypes, which was another reoccurring theme. 

I thought it was a thought provoking movie, worth the two hours.  I was surprised at the amount of vulgarity used during the movie. If you are easily offended by profanity, I would recommend skipping this movie.

Thumbs down for Indiana and the "Right to Work"

I’ve never really cared for politics. I don’t really get wrapped up in the actions of the Indiana State house, nor do I follow federal decisions unless I happen to catch a snippet on the morning news.

Most of the time I figure that there isn’t much that I can do about the decisions being made, so I tend not to spend my time trying to figure out why Mitch Daniels or Obama do what they do.

But I’m sad to say that tomorrow Indiana will probably become labeled as a “Right to Work” state.

Although the title sounds good and I do believe that everyone should have the right to work, that isn’t exactly what is going to happen. At least that is how I am interpreting it.

Of all of the states in the U.S., 38 states have rejected “Right To Work” Legislation. There’s probably a good reason for that! The states that have enacted the law have turned out to be the highest in the nation as far as unemployment is concerned and tend to have lower wages, lower family income, higher rates for uninsured and higher poverty rates. Way to go Indiana… like we don’t have it bad enough already!

I’ve heard on the news that Mitch Daniels is pushing for the “Right to Work” because he believes it will create jobs and increase the economic well-being of the state. I’m not sure I follow this logic. To me, Indiana already has a choice for employees, particularly in the area of construction.

If businesses want to move into the area, they can hire union workers or they can hire non-union workers. Workers can choose whether or not they want to join the union or not. They can choose whether or not to pay union dues or not.

It seems to me that the “Right To Work” Legislation will only hurt Indiana workers and their families. And what frustrates me the most is that many Indiana families probably don’t even know that the vote is coming and that this will probably pass.

As I stated before, I typically have my head in the sand on political issues. But if this passes the Indiana House and Senate, several of my friends and family members will see a decrease in wages and more than likely safety. Union workers are promised good wages, good benefits, increased safety measures and the ability to retire respectably.

For Dan, Todd, my Uncle Tom and many other hard workers in this state, I hope that Indiana votes against the Right to Work Law.

The Real World...

I watched a couple episodes of The Real World from seasons in Washington DC and New Orleans this weekend. I am always interested in the sociology of meshing people from various backgrounds and experiences together in the same living quarters. I’m a fan of Big Brother and Survivor, too. It’s a situation I would never be able to survive!

For those of you who may not be aware of the story line for The Real World, there are typically about eight cast members between the ages 18-25 who are picked to live in a house together and have their lives taped. The show has been running on MTV since 1992.

As many of you might imagine, throwing a group of strangers in a house together often includes many of them hooking up, many of them pursuing their dreams of being in the spotlight and often several verbal altercations. I find the show rather entertaining.

But this weekend, as I watched the episodes, I couldn’t help but wonder when it was that I stopped thinking I could do anything I wanted to do. I watched this group of housemates pursuing all the dreams they had and it made me think. I remember in high school I was interested in photography and wasn’t at all shy about talking to other professional photographers and thinking that I could work for any newspaper or magazine that I wanted. I just went for it. In college, I wanted to work for the newspaper and I did. I wanted to write and I did.

I watched the cast member, Callie, pursue her dreams of being a photographer while in Washington DC. She didn’t know what she was doing, but was willing to learn and not be deterred.

Another cast member, Andrew, wanted to draw cartoons for the Washington Post. He called and got an appointment with one of the editors and talked about what he needed to do to get published. Although he didn’t get published in the Post, he was published in the Washington Times. Again, nothing seemed impossible.

I started asking myself, what’s changed? Maybe it’s age.  Maybe it’s money. I guess when I was in college everything wasn’t about money. I wasn’t paying the mortgage, so it didn’t matter if I was being paid a little or a lot to do what I wanted to do.

Maybe it’s geography…I don’t want to move to follow my dreams. Then again, dreams…. I think I stopped dreaming about the possibilities that life holds when I got a “real” job! I just float through life because I’m content. The bills are paid, I have good friends where I work and I like my job.

I guess this blog has been a little rambling, but I can’t help but wonder…

Does anyone else feel like this? Unsure of when we hit reality and stopped thinking about all the things we could possibly do?