Until recently, I never would have
imagined comparing nursing homes with prisons, but during the pandemic, I find myself
doing just that.
My grandmother turned 94-years-old
in December. She’s seen a lot in her
lifetime and so has her 96-year-old husband. Until November 16th,
they lived at home with assistance with groceries and a little other help from
family. Overall, they were very
independent.
But that Monday, she fell and
broke her hip. She was transported by
ambulance to the local hospital. That’s
the last day she was hugged. The last
day anyone from her family was close to her. It’s been 54 days.
I’m sure she was scared that night. In the hospital by herself with doctors and
nurses asking numerous questions, not to mention the pain she must have been
in. Due to COVID-19, family members were
not allowed in with her to ease her nerves, help answer questions or just hold
her hand and reassure her that everything would be ok.
She was transported to another
hospital that night and surgery followed the next day. All of this was communicated
to her family via phone and explanations from nurses and doctors. She remained
in the hospital for four days. Our
family was given three options of nursing homes and we had about two hours to
decide where she would go for rehab.
No tours, no time decide, just
three places we weren’t familiar with to take care of our elderly family member. We picked one based on photos on the internet
and their COVID positivity rate, which was zero at the time.
Window visits and phone calls turned
into reality. Things I had seen on TV since
March, but never thought I would have to experience personally. After all, we’d been careful with our loved
ones. They’d stayed in the house for months – no trips for ice cream, no visits
with extended family or friends, we did our best to keep them safe, to keep
COVID-19 away from them.
Phone calls broke our hearts. She pleaded
on the phone, wanting us to understand that the care she was getting wasn’t
good. “I’ve never been treated so poorly in all my life,” is a phrase that I’ll
remember forever. But what could we do? Was she just frustrated being there? Was
the care poor? It doesn’t really matter, her perception was her reality.
No one in my family is a
therapist, no one could help her rehab and get better, good enough to return
home. That’s doesn’t even take into consideration nursing, etc. We felt she
needed to stay there.
There’s no larger helpless feeling
than to rely on people you have never met to take care of your loved one.
Faith, trust… these are words I use to describe very few in my life and that’s
after years of knowing them!
Roughly 9 days later, we got a
call that she fell in the night and broke her shoulder. Suddenly, this strong,
independent woman had a broken hip and a broken shoulder. What more could she
endure? We quickly found out. COVID-19 Positive.
While I stayed home on
Thanksgiving and didn’t see family, it seems as though a staff member at the
nursing home, didn’t do the same. All of the sudden patients and staff were
testing positive at an alarming rate. Those 8 months we kept her safe from COVID,
suddenly didn’t matter.
We couldn’t comfort her. We could
only call. For her 130ish pound frame, a broken hip, a broken shoulder and now
COVID… no one to comfort her. There were window visits, which we did, but sometimes
blinds were closed, sometimes the phone was too far from her.
She’s a bit better now. I can’t
believe she survived, to be honest. She shares her room with a roommate, she’s
been moved to four different rooms. I’m not sure if she ever finds out their
names. It reminds me of prison. She was quarantined 14 days when she got there
and tested positive the day she would have moved to “gen pop.”
Roughly a month in a room with the
door closed. A TV in a space that is roughly the size of a prison cell. Nursing homes and prisons are the only ones who
don’t allow visitors during COVID. Our elderly didn’t break the law.
I realize the intent is to “keep
them safe.” However, what kind of damage is this causing their quality of life?
I’m pretty sure at 94, she doesn’t care about quantity anymore.
She’s supposed to get the vaccine
on February 5th. If she was at home she could have gone next week
for it. So I’m not sure she’s getting any advantage where she is
currently. Then what? Will she be
granted visitation? Those with vaccines can come in? Still no one? We haven’t
been told.
I realize that nurses and staff at
nursing homes are overworked. With 48 cases in the past 3 weeks in the nursing home
and other staff members positive, I know they are working a skeleton crew. But
that doesn’t matter to me. Because we are talking about MY loved one. I want
only the best for her and I know she isn’t getting it.
How can we do better? Because we need
to do better. Families are not equip to
take care of those who need skilled nursing care. Nursing homes range in price
but are roughly $7.000 to $8,000 or more a month when paid for privately. She’s
not getting that type of care. For that amount, I want web cams so I can at
least see if she is sleeping or eating.
Hugs, time to chat, help with cutting
up food, asking what foods she likes, THAT is care. Care my family would give
if we were able to visit. Let’s lift the ban and allow nursing home residents
to be cared for.
I truly believe we are failing
them. Let’s go for quality and not quantity.
