Justice for Tramelle

I’ve had a little 10-year-old on my mind all day. I can’t seem to get him out of my mind.

Last November, 10-year-old Tramelle Sturgis died from beating he sustained, allegedly at the hands of his father, Terry Sturgis.

When I think about the Terry Sturgis murder trial, I think about his home on the 1100 block of West Washington Street in South Bend, and I am reminded of the old saying, “if these walls could talk.”

I guess it is probably a good thing they can’t. I am sure the abuse his children faced in that home is more than I could ever imagine.

When Tramelle was transported to the emergency room that evening, he had bruises, scrapes, hemorrhaging on the brain, a broken arm, a broken tailbone and a broken rib. What could a ten-year-old little boy possibly have done for the elder Sturgis to believe it was ok to hurt him like this?

Unfortunately it wasn’t just Tramelle who suffered beatings, but his brother, as well. His older brother, age 14, spoke this week in court about the night that Tramelle died. The South Bend Tribune quoted some of his testimony and said that he was beaten with a stick the night of Tramelle’s death.  He said, “I just got dizzy and could not see because the blood was in my eyes.”

The boy said that he wanted to deflect his father’s attention hoping the beating would stop, so he told on Tramelle for taking a bottle of his father’s water. It worked, Sturgis took his aggressions out on Tramelle. That night, Tramelle Sturgis died because he drank a bottle of water that belonged to his father.

How sad is that? Many parents would be thrilled to share water with a child. Not him.

I’ve often thought that people should have to prove they are worthy to be parents before they are actually allowed to procreate. There are too many parents who neglect children and too many others who would be willing and able to provide loving homes where those children could thrive.

In this case, I have to wonder why any mother would allow her children to live with Terry.  In this case, the mother is Tiffany Townsend. She said that Terry never laid a hand on her, but that she didn’t think it was a good environment for her five children, four of which were Terry’s, because they argued too much and he called her names. Wow, I think that might have been her first clue that he wasn’t necessarily a stellar father. But then again, she doesn’t qualify for mother of the year.

I also have to wonder how Tramelle’s grandmother could live in the same home with he and his brothers and be able to even look at her son, knowing that he beat her grandchildren. In one Tribune article, it stated that she used to rub cocoa butter on their burns. Nice grandma, maybe you could figure out a way to stop your grown son from burning your grandkids to begin with.

The fact that these children suffered abuse makes me very sad. Because I know that it will affect them for the rest of their lives. The 14-year-old Sturgis boy has burn marks that will be visible on his skin for the rest of his life. I can only hope that his life has improved greatly since he was taken out of the West Washington Street home. I hope he will someday be able to accept unconditional love and become a good father. I hope that one day he will able to look at those burn marks as marks of survival, pushing him to be a better person.

But let’s face it, it won’t be easy for him. He watched as his brother died that night, he had to clean up his vomit and try and cover for his father when the police came. At 14-years-old no one should have to endure what he went through. 

The boys had visits throughout the past few years from the DCFS and they always lied and said that things were ok. I don’t blame them, they were scared to death. Maybe this can be a lesson to all of us to be more observant. Children who undergo abuse are typically not trusting and know that to survive their situations, they have to go with the flow and not draw attention to themselves and their situations.

In my mind, I hope that Terry Sturgis never sees the light of day and that people in prison treat him as he treated his sons. I know it isn’t nice and I should pray that he gets the help he needs and realizes his mistakes. After all two wrongs don’t make a right. But I just can’t… instead I think about the many lives his actions have impacted and I just hope that justice is served.

No one should have to endure what Tramelle did.

Should risk drive you to your dreams? Or is playing it safe the way to go?

Most people have thought about what they would do if they won the lottery or if a distant relative passed away and left them a bunch of money.  Many of us think about what it would be like to come up with the perfect invention, a quick step into a pile of money solving all of our money worries and allowing us to follow whatever dreams we allow ourselves to envision.

And then…reality hits us.  Just like the Strokes lyrics, we take two steps forward and three steps back. We remember that insurance is important, bills need to be paid and the safe road is the one most traveled.

I watched a short segment of 60 minutes the other night. Enough to catch the reporter talking to college kids who are smart and thought they could drop out of Ivy League schools and be entrepreneurs. Hell, I can hardly spell the word! Anyway, they talked to the Mark Zuckerberg’s of the world, young people with a vision and the passion to pursue their dreams. The name Mark Zuckerberg may not mean a lot to you, but I bet the word “Facebook” does. He created facebook while still in college. Today, he is worth over 19 billion dollars and never graduated from Harvard. I’d say he was still successful despite the lack of his Harvard paper chase.

I read a book once that said that if you don’t have an idea that makes others look a little puzzled or think you are crazy when you tell you tell them about it, that it probably won’t work.  I guess it makes sense. Safe ideas are grabbed up in a minute by those who are unwilling to have the passion to believe in their mission. Zuckerberg had the knowledge and the passion.

I have a great admiration for people who are willing to take risks. I like to gamble, but when it comes to “being safe” I’m just scared enough not to take a risk that could benefit me in the end. I wish I could be one of those people. If I were, I doubt I’d be living in Indiana (although many people think I take a risk every day by living on the West side of South Bend J ha ha).  And I probably wouldn’t be working in the position I’m in.

So what about you? If you could do anything you wanted to do, anywhere you wanted to be, what would you choose?

Some themes from the movie, The Descendants

I was in the mood to see a movie today. It’s something that rarely happens because I usually don’t have the patience to sit through a movie. I remember seeing the previews for “The Descendant’s,” and I decided to treat myself to a Sunday matinee.  George Clooney is in it and he’s good scenery so I cuddled up in my chair with a bag of popcorn and a diet coke.  Really the only think I knew about the movie was that George Clooney was in it and it was more of a drama than a comedy.

 If you want a step by step replay of the movie, look it up on Wikipedia. I’m gonna mention some major themes that I felt were important.

As I drove home from the theater, I was thinking about the relationships of the main characters. The family basically was caught up in the everyday grind of life and pretty much took each other for granted. The husband, wife and two kids had several conflicts working within the family unit.  Then, the mother was in a boating accident and was hospitalized.  She remained in a coma for most of the movie, leaving her husband, Matt King (Clooney’s character) to tell his two daughters about their mother.  The oldest daughter knew her mother had an affair and there was conflict between them.  Words had been exchanged and Alex, the daughter, took for granted that her mom would always be around.  It was a lesson in forgiveness and also in goodbyes.

Another theme was a cross between forgiveness and revenge.  If you found out your spouse had cheated on you would you want revenge? I think most people would, but not King.  Instead, he decided to find his wife’s lover in an effort to give him a chance to say goodbye to her.

There are some smaller themes throughout the movie, as well, including the role of money in family dynamics.  From the beginning of the movie, there were references to stereotypes, which was another reoccurring theme. 

I thought it was a thought provoking movie, worth the two hours.  I was surprised at the amount of vulgarity used during the movie. If you are easily offended by profanity, I would recommend skipping this movie.

Thumbs down for Indiana and the "Right to Work"

I’ve never really cared for politics. I don’t really get wrapped up in the actions of the Indiana State house, nor do I follow federal decisions unless I happen to catch a snippet on the morning news.

Most of the time I figure that there isn’t much that I can do about the decisions being made, so I tend not to spend my time trying to figure out why Mitch Daniels or Obama do what they do.

But I’m sad to say that tomorrow Indiana will probably become labeled as a “Right to Work” state.

Although the title sounds good and I do believe that everyone should have the right to work, that isn’t exactly what is going to happen. At least that is how I am interpreting it.

Of all of the states in the U.S., 38 states have rejected “Right To Work” Legislation. There’s probably a good reason for that! The states that have enacted the law have turned out to be the highest in the nation as far as unemployment is concerned and tend to have lower wages, lower family income, higher rates for uninsured and higher poverty rates. Way to go Indiana… like we don’t have it bad enough already!

I’ve heard on the news that Mitch Daniels is pushing for the “Right to Work” because he believes it will create jobs and increase the economic well-being of the state. I’m not sure I follow this logic. To me, Indiana already has a choice for employees, particularly in the area of construction.

If businesses want to move into the area, they can hire union workers or they can hire non-union workers. Workers can choose whether or not they want to join the union or not. They can choose whether or not to pay union dues or not.

It seems to me that the “Right To Work” Legislation will only hurt Indiana workers and their families. And what frustrates me the most is that many Indiana families probably don’t even know that the vote is coming and that this will probably pass.

As I stated before, I typically have my head in the sand on political issues. But if this passes the Indiana House and Senate, several of my friends and family members will see a decrease in wages and more than likely safety. Union workers are promised good wages, good benefits, increased safety measures and the ability to retire respectably.

For Dan, Todd, my Uncle Tom and many other hard workers in this state, I hope that Indiana votes against the Right to Work Law.

The Real World...

I watched a couple episodes of The Real World from seasons in Washington DC and New Orleans this weekend. I am always interested in the sociology of meshing people from various backgrounds and experiences together in the same living quarters. I’m a fan of Big Brother and Survivor, too. It’s a situation I would never be able to survive!

For those of you who may not be aware of the story line for The Real World, there are typically about eight cast members between the ages 18-25 who are picked to live in a house together and have their lives taped. The show has been running on MTV since 1992.

As many of you might imagine, throwing a group of strangers in a house together often includes many of them hooking up, many of them pursuing their dreams of being in the spotlight and often several verbal altercations. I find the show rather entertaining.

But this weekend, as I watched the episodes, I couldn’t help but wonder when it was that I stopped thinking I could do anything I wanted to do. I watched this group of housemates pursuing all the dreams they had and it made me think. I remember in high school I was interested in photography and wasn’t at all shy about talking to other professional photographers and thinking that I could work for any newspaper or magazine that I wanted. I just went for it. In college, I wanted to work for the newspaper and I did. I wanted to write and I did.

I watched the cast member, Callie, pursue her dreams of being a photographer while in Washington DC. She didn’t know what she was doing, but was willing to learn and not be deterred.

Another cast member, Andrew, wanted to draw cartoons for the Washington Post. He called and got an appointment with one of the editors and talked about what he needed to do to get published. Although he didn’t get published in the Post, he was published in the Washington Times. Again, nothing seemed impossible.

I started asking myself, what’s changed? Maybe it’s age.  Maybe it’s money. I guess when I was in college everything wasn’t about money. I wasn’t paying the mortgage, so it didn’t matter if I was being paid a little or a lot to do what I wanted to do.

Maybe it’s geography…I don’t want to move to follow my dreams. Then again, dreams…. I think I stopped dreaming about the possibilities that life holds when I got a “real” job! I just float through life because I’m content. The bills are paid, I have good friends where I work and I like my job.

I guess this blog has been a little rambling, but I can’t help but wonder…

Does anyone else feel like this? Unsure of when we hit reality and stopped thinking about all the things we could possibly do?   

At times it was as if I was competing on The Amazing Race…

As my friend Brenda and I ran through the airport in Jacksonville, Florida yesterday, I felt for a moment like we were competing on the reality TV show, The Amazing Race. If there were teams behind us, we would have smoked ‘em.

It was 10:22 when we checked in at the airport and asked the lady at the counter if there was any way we could take an earlier flight than our 4:40.  We had gotten off the cruise ship and had nowhere else to go so we hoped to fly standby on the 1 something flight. On the computer, she pulled up a flight that would leave at 10:52 and proceeded to tell us that we would never make it. We asked if we could try anyway. After all, we had nothing to lose.

We checked our bags and began finding our way to Gate C2. We were on our way, optimistic we would make it. Until we hit security. Hmm…. Too many people in front of us, our passports were in hand and my tennis shoes were unlaced. But we weren’t moving. Seconds ticked away and suddenly our hopes were crumbling. And then, with a stroke of genius and a bit of luck, Brenda asked if we could cut. Again, we were off and running through the terminal with my tennis shoes in my hands! We got to the gate just as the last person was getting on. Sweet victory!

Instead of going through our original connection in Nashville, we ended up in Philadelphia. Neither one of us had ever been there and thought it would be alright if we had to hang out there for awhile. We got out at E11 and talked to the gate agent. She said we were just in time to make the next flight if we hurried to E9. We ran over there to once again walk on the flight that was boarding. What luck!

We made it, but our bags didn’t.  Instead of getting home at our originally anticipated time of 10:30ish, we made it to Midway at about 2pm. We had no idea if our bags were on the flight that would come in at 4:30 or the flight that would come in after. Luckily, they were on the first flight and we were back in South Bend by 8pm.

If we had been on the show, we surely would have taken first place and been awarded some type of Travelocity trip to some exotic region. Instead, we weren’t awarded anything except that anticipation of another trip in two weeks to Charleston.

I have to say that during the Carnival Cruise to the Bahamas there were at least two other times I thought our actions resembled The Amazing Race.

If you have ever been on a cruise (maybe it’s just carnival?) you know that they take pictures all the time around the ship and then post them in a gallery for all to see. You walk from wall to wall with thousands of pictures trying to find yours to purchase.  Well, as Brenda and I were searching for our pictures, I thought that it would be a great challenge on the show to show the contestants a picture of two people and make them find the ten pictures throughout the gallery resembling the people. I should be a reality show challenge creator!

The other time was in Nassau when we were trying to find some places to eat with local food rather than the tourist type of food. We asked a lady in the store where we could go and she had a thick accent and some broken English. We got bits and pieces. Finally, we asked someone else who said to take the number ten bus to the fish fry and look for the restaurants. Better yet, we took a cab and asked him and he mentioned they eat at Fish Fry, which we later found out is an area of restaurants, and Twin Brothers is the best. It was a bit of a challenge and also reminded me of the show.

We had a great, quick vacation on the boat and with plenty of fun in the casinos and the different ports. If I ever make it back to the Bahamas I’m looking for the stand by Atlantis, located just off of the ferry boat where the lady made us a drink called Goombay Smash. Probably the best frozen cocktail I’ve had in awhile!

For now, we’ve not been eliminated from the race. We may not have won first place, but we’ve got another few vacations to look forward to. I’m lucky to have friends who like to travel.

My thoughts on the movie, Courageous

In the last six months I’ve seen the movies Water for Elephants and The Help, both movies were suggested by my friend Brenda. Both were good movies, well worth my time and money.

Today, I suggested we see the movie, Courageous. As the movie scrolled through the credits, Brenda and I agreed that I am banned from picking movies for awhile. It wasn’t worth the time or the money, in my opinion.

It was my understanding that the movie was about four police officers who were working toward finding a balance between work and home life. It sounded like a somewhat interesting plot, and I always appreciate the good scenery of men in uniform.

The writers introduce four officers and their family situations. All were typical representations of today’s family units, a family of four with a wife, husband, young son and daughter. Another was a single dad who hadn’t yet met his 4-year-old daughter because he was running from the responsibility of being a father. The third man had a wife and three kids and was new to the department, trying to fit in with his new partners. Finally, the last was a divorced husband who saw his young son every other weekend and was struggling to survive paying child support and his own bills.

As I relaxed in my chair, popcorn in hand, I watched as the story line unfolded as the one officer was faced with the death of his 9-year-old daughter. The death brought led him to question what type of father he had been to his daughter, what type of husband he was to his wife and the role model he was for his son. In his time of sorrow he turned to God for help.

Over the next hour and a half the men decided to write a resolution proclaiming their wishes to be honorable men and honorable leaders in their homes. Here’s where I had an “issue” with the movie!

The writers went a little overboard drawing direct conclusions between each man and his quest to acknowledge God in his life. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in God and I understand the need for religion, but a little Bible lesson goes a long way. The repetitiveness of their message that God makes all possible was overkill. I was thinking that this two hour movie was the equivalent of six months of Sunday sermons. For a moment I flashed back to the bad after school specials that I hadn’t seen since I was in third grade.

I won’t go into more detail about the various sub plots in the movie for those of you who may still want to see the movie and make your own decision about whether the amount of God references was too much.  I’m curious to know what others think about the movie.

As for me, I believe the overall message of including God in one’s life and being a positive mentor for others is a great message. I just wish the writers would have illustrated the lesson rather than beating me over the head with it.