I don’t normally think about death until I hear about a friend or family member who has passed away and then it usually gets me thinking.
This winter a 46-year-old neighbor of mine passed away in a tragic accident. He had recently been married and I remember being so sad that neither of them got to say their goodbyes. His life was one that ended so quickly and sadly.
A few months back an acquaintance of mine committed suicide. I wondered what could have been so bad that he would have wanted to end his life. I don’t know why but sometimes it makes a difference to me how it was done. Guns seem so violent, pills seem easier, carbon monoxide almost peaceful. But again, the people left behind are the ones who are typically left with guilt and wonder if there was something more they could have done.
Just recently, a good friend of mine lost her dad. He went quickly and peacefully, a heart attack while he was sitting in his chair. Again, I guess there wasn’t time to say goodbye or reassure his family that he loved them, but it was his time. His wife had died about a little over a year ago and he just seemed lost without her.
All these instances have made me think. I hope when my time comes that I won’t have any regrets, that people around me will know I love them and that I won’t have to suffer like so many people have to. It may sound selfish, but I think we probably all hope for a peaceful goodbye when it is time.
My grandfather passed away in 1995 and I was by his side. His last few breaths were so shallow and he fought so hard for each breath. I hated to see him in pain, and wished that his quality of life was better. This existence for him seemed harsh. Wasn’t there an easier way? Couldn’t he just go peacefully?
There’s one thing that I never really understood: why assisted suicide is illegal. How come we allow our animals to be put to sleep when they are sick, but we make our family members and those we love live in pain? Can’t we honor the wishes of those who have to endure the pain?
I’m sure some of you are reading this and disagree from a religious standpoint. I can see the argument where those who commit suicide are said to go to hell. I used to be a lot more religious than I am now. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in God and I believe in Heaven and Hell, I’m just not sure of all the “logistics” and “faith” that surround Christianity. It seems to me there are a lot of personal interpretations when it comes to religion.
For instance, I’ve heard a lot of religious people say, “God never gives you more than you can handle.” I don’t know if I believe that is true! I’ve seen a lot of people in pain and a lot of people suffer right up to the very end. How can God justify that?
I guess it is something I won’t have to worry about for a long time, but for now I’ll just go with the wish for quality of life rather than quantity of life. I’ll live every day to its fullest and do my best to let the people who are important to me know how I feel.
