I woke up yesterday morning thinking about the family of
Jamie Middlebrook, a New Carlisle volunteer firefighter, who died while
fighting a fire at a local business.
Yesterday was the celebration of his life, forty-one years
which consisted of being a paramedic and 22-years of being a volunteer
fireman. It was in his blood, it seems,
since his father and his brother also served many years on the volunteer fire
department, as well.
He battled cancer and came back stronger than ever, raising
funds in hopes that research could be done so others wouldn’t have to endure
the same battle. He was a true HERO, who probably would have given anything to
live another day.
Last night, news traveled fast as word spread that Robin
Williams had died at the age of 63, taking his own life.
I immediately thought how sad it was that a man with such
great talents would choose to take his own life. Someone with his fame, his fortune, his
comedic ability and dramatic flair, it seemed like he had it all.
Snippets of Dead Poets Society, Awakenings, Mrs. Doubtfire, and
my personal favorite, Good Will Hunting, flashed in my mind and I couldn’t help
but think about how desperate he must have been.
I’ve seen postings on Facebook calling him a coward and
questioning how he could commit suicide and leave his children, etc. Or talking
about how he made a choice and got what he wanted. I don’t think he was a
coward at all, nor do I think his “right mind” would have wanted him to die. Instead, I think he must have been so
helpless, fighting the demons in his own mind, trying to make sense of things
and obviously not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. To him, it was the
only way out.
In college, I had a friend who battled depression. I remember talking to her on the phone one
day and she was so down, she mentioned that she couldn’t even get out of
bed. I remember at the time saying
something like, “what do you mean, just put your feet on the floor and get out
of bed, you have things to do.”
Her response to me, was that I didn’t understand. And I know
she was right. At that moment, I realized
that I’ve never felt true depression and that I didn’t understand what it was
like to feel the way she was feeling.
I think that’s important for everyone to think about. We have no idea how Robin Williams was
feeling when he decided to end his life. But it must have been pretty awful for
him to think that his family would be better off without him. That tomorrow wouldn’t
be better than today. That there was no light at the end of the tunnel.
But there’s a stigma attached with mental health and
depression. It’s hard for most people to talk about because often times people
don’t understand.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to include the thoughts about both
of these men in the same blog, and maybe it is rather “risky” to do so, but at
the end of the day, both men have passed away.
Both men have left members of the community and family members without
saying goodbye. And while we may not understand how some people fight so hard
to live and would give anything for another day, we shouldn’t pretend to
understand the darkness that others feel when they decide not to live another
day.
